going home

Date: Saturday, September 30, 2006
Time: 7:26:00 PM

just here to declare that i'm gonna be away from blogging for quite some time. but this place will not be closed down.
mayb till i'm done with my a levels?
guess i need more time and attention for my revision.
so please just continue tagging me yah? =)

and...
jus talk a lil bit more about prelims.
i didnt do well, and it was worse than mid-year. i think i was too complacent and confident. but from now on i will study very hard. i will make sure i jump at least 3 grades in the actual 'a's.

no more ff oso...
heard he's attached...
and i will learn to forget...
i will meet a better one someday...

no more fun for the time being...
full attention given to 'a' levels...
and pals, all the best too!!!

p/s: the barbeque yesterday was fun. thanks, i love u all loads...
but i pity the poor chicken wings... geez.

-farewell-

see again 2 months later. =))

Date: Saturday, September 23, 2006
Time: 4:25:00 PM

yes yes blogging again...
feeling relaxed and happy to be at home... oops did i jus say that i'm at home? hahas. another illegal attempt. this better not be discovered by the hostel or else i can pack my stuffs and stay home for the rest of the year already. lols.
anw, i will grab every single minute to enjoy myself before getting back my results nez week.
had anybody made a comment like this before?
'even if u're doing nothing at HOME, it's a joy too.'
guess only people who are away from home for a long time understand this. u miss even the nagging and scolding from mom. haiz.

hmm. ytd was my last paper--chinese.
i didnt really study for it.
i mean, how do u study for a language paper? it sounds so absurd to 'mug' for it.
anw, i did read through some of the vocabs the night before, jus in case they wld come out for zao ju. and yes. we still do zao ju at a levels. this's like the kind of thing we did in primary school back home. haha.
talking about the paper, i finished it quite fast, and when i was looking around the hall, i saw ff busy doing his math S paper.
he looked so engrossed. and smart as always.
oops. shan't say more... dun wanna make myself sound like a despo. =)))

went to sis's hostel to stay the night before...
cos both pk and muriel weren't in the room. and i serously didnt like being alone. even if i dun talk, i dun like being all alone in the room. i need people around me all the time.
still remember the craziest thing i hv even done in my life. at the wee hour of 2 am, i cldnt fall asleep and i kept myself busy by washing the toilet and cleaning the floor.
saw mr wong by his window a few times. guess he must be thinking that i was crazy cos my light was still on at that time.
so the nz day i decided to go and look for sis. really cldnt stand the loneliness and boliao-ness. hmm. i think her place now is much better than last time's one. it's brighter and more spacious.
and her roomie is very friendly too.
haha. fellow Malaysian.

ok lah. one more day to go before facing the cruel truth.
i hope i can take it...
sigh. the bad thing about me is that i can't take failure. but i'm learning to...
afterall life isnt always that smooth right?
and i miss school also... weird that i actually miss lectures and tutorials. hmmz.

cheerios!!!

Date: Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Time: 4:42:00 PM

OVER

finally after all these months of stress and strain, prelim is over.
it's hard to believe that we have worked hard for such a long time and before we know it, it is actually gone. i'm not saying this becuz i miss exam. i'm sure nobody with a sane mind does. but i jus have a mixture of feeling. happy bcuz i can finally take a break, and sad bcuz i think i hv not done well. i thought i cld have used my prelim to redeem myself, but it turned out to be worse.
especially maths.
it turned out to be like sh!t. i seriously dunno what's wrong. though my maths has never been very good, it has never been this bad too. my mind was totally blank during the paper, and i was jus blindly recalling and restating all the formulae.
it couldnt have been worse.
it's worse when after the paper everybody was discussing abt certain qns and commented that they were easy. cos i simply cldnt recall one. i think they were all difficult for me.
argh.

but heck la.
it's over means it's over. no matter how much i sulk and lament over it, the fact will stay the same. jus try to work hard and do well in the a levels. haha. i guess there's seriously something wrong with me. maths is like the easiest subject for most people but not for me. and now it even became the worst for me. what's the freaking problem man!

anyway, i'm glad that for today, i can finally sleep early without feeling guilty.
i can finally do some non-academic reading.
i'm sick with all the notes, tutorials and tys.
time to read some entertainment news, gossips and stuffs.
the feeling after finishing exam is of utmost pleasure.
u feel relaxed, happy, light-hearted.... it's jus indescripable.
hahass... yes everybody. chen hui is seriously HAPPY. VERY VERY HAPPY! hoorayy-

but......
the worst is yet to come.
a level is in 1 and a half months' time.
get energised and be ready to chiong again.
actually after prelims, my confidence is kinda boosted( not for maths pls!). i believe if with the lack of preparation, i cld score for or at least pass the papers, the future is promising. =)jia youZ.
and thanks loads for my pals who constantly gave me encouragement throughout this period.
thanks meai and wanxin for giving me support at the time of despair. dun worry, i will work hard for maths.

hmm. if a person can mix so well with a sick person, (i'm referring to mentally corrupt when i say sick), the chances are this particular person is sick too.
birds of the same feather flock together yah.
dun blame me if u are being disliked. it's jus toooo baaad.

Date: Saturday, September 16, 2006
Time: 1:53:00 AM

called home jus now...
and received a really shocking news from mom.

a hometown fren of mine, actually not really hometown fren, jus an aquaintance, her brother passed away in a car accident ytd night.
and he's only 18.
though i dun really know him personally, i feel kinda disturbed.
a life can just be gone like that. LIKE THAT.
heard that he was just trying to avoid a bus, and the nez thing happened was that his life ended.
i feel sad for this fren of mine for losing his only brother. and, it's of excruciating pain for the parents to lose the only son.
it seems that life is more fragile and unpredictable than it seems to be.

haiz...
disturbing...
still remember i always saw the guy when i went downstair to buy stuffs back in kampar.
jus hope that the girl will be fine. though the kind of pain is definitely unbearable.

hmmz.
it's 2.15 am now.
guess it's time to sleep.
miss home a lot. can't wait to go home after prelims.
especially after hearing news like that, i jus feel like going back home, and spend more time with my family.
life is unpredictable.
for real, im willing to give EVERYTHING up jus to live longer.
haiz.

Date: Friday, September 15, 2006
Time: 2:39:00 PM

first of all,

happy birthday, JUN!!!

i'm so so so glad that we are already halfway through prelims.
three more papers left nez week.
math and chem paper 2.
i seriously need to do well for them. i think i hv done terribly for math paper 1 and chem paper 3.
math that day was a disaster.

am i not gonna redeem myself this time? is history gonna repeat itself?

physics was ok. mayb the paper wasnt too hard. but i guess mr oh will be happy this time.

kay. hang on people.
4 more days, and we shall hv fun! =)

Date: Thursday, September 7, 2006
Time: 7:55:00 PM

mug mug mug...
mug day and night...
it no longer matters to me whether it's early in the morning, late in the evening, or midnight...
the moment that i'm awake, i will find myself holding the notes and slaving over them. except now tht im blogging. lols.

so far the progress has been satisfactory.
im done with physics. and halfway through chem.
i guess i need miracles for mathematics. the moment i think of statistics i feel so damn super disgusted, really.
and chinese? i guess i shld be able to finish before the paper on monday.
but again, studying hard and doing well are two different things altogether. sad to say that.
u really wont know what will happen on the days of taking the papers.
but at least i try my best to do my part. the rest really lies in the hands of God.
i find tht i enjoy studying phys a lot. tht explains why i finished it the fastest. it's all about concepts. and i jus need to grasp them. tight and firm. yes there'r lotsa definitions to memorise. but...it isnt really a problem to a CA student. muahaha. =P
chemisty is ok. but i really dislike studying inorganic chem. but i will try my best to memorise the tonnes of facts. yes. watch me overrule those properties and equations! hahas.

was listening to my mp3 ytd.
and this verse of chinese lyrics really inspired me.
i hv nv really taken notice of them till ytd:

bu pa qian wan ren zu dang
zhi pa zi ji tou xiang.

the direct english translation is
not scared of thousands or millions of people blocking the way,
only scared of oneself giving up.

my translation isnt great i know. but i guess the meaning is there.

to all my pals out there:
there are only a few more days to go. so hang on and dunt give up kays?
jia you!!!!

Date: Monday, September 4, 2006
Time: 7:11:00 PM

jus came back to singapore ytd. hmm. shld say 'came to' without the 'back'. haha.
i actually went home illegally. means without appying through the school, and i bluffed the hostel that i went to stay at my aunt's place in singapore. oops! i think i'm sucha bad girl. actually i jus hate going through all the hassle of having to apply through so many parties.
it's my HOME and i hav to APPLY to go back to my HOME. what nonsense.
and today went for a briefing at tjc.
another introduction to paper hassle.
uncountable steps of application. i dint really pay much attention to the speaker on stage. it was....argh...boring.
haizz. think i will jus wait till the time comes then i find out from frens of what to do.

not to forget, today's GRACE'S birthday. cheers!~
happy sweet 18 k? it's sad cos it falls in the midst of us busy revising for exam, but we will make it up for ya after prelims k?
pressie will keep in view! =)
stay chio and bubbly ya =P

feel bad leh. scolded little sis ytd.
i found out that she was playing with my frenster account and sent messages to some girl who i do not know.
i exploded and scolded her. cos i felt that my privacy was kinda....invaded?
and i knew she was trying hard to stop her tears from rolling down, cos she knew that i dun like it. i always tell her that crying cannot solve problems. somemore she's no longer a kid who cant think.
and so.......
today i opened my email inbox and saw lotsa messages from her. these include greeting cards to apologize.
i think i'm a bad sis... was it that serious that i had to blast at her?
and she's only 9...sometimes she does things without knowing that they aren't right.
and it's our responsibility to teach her.
and i dint even give her that chance.
haiz. overwhelming guiltiness. =(

didnt study much today...
shld mug hard later...
okay. that's all.
jia you everybody!!!!

Date: Friday, September 1, 2006
Time: 10:04:00 PM

now blogging at home...feel so good to be at home.
less than two weeks to prelims, and now the strange thing is that i dun feel stressed at all.
i was really stressed last week, and i jus realised that i sounded kind of depressed and emotional in my old posts...which dont reflect a lot on my trueself.
guess i hv gone through the so called 'struggling period'? and now, not that i'm so slack and confident to the extent that i don't study...
it's like...i know what i shld do and where i shld start from...
not like few weeks ago...i was so lost in certain subjects that i dint even know what to study...
but...i'm feeling kinda uneasy for gp. i hvnt been touching much of gp stuffs these days, and i feel that my english, more of the skills, are deteriorating.
but there's really nothing much i can do. my priority isnt for it. and ya...jus hope that something miraculous will happen. i want my B3 back!!!!.......sighz.

something really saddening happened...
apart from feeling sad over it, i hv learnt something out of it.
very often we tend to give up too easily. bcos of a lil failure then we give up. and feel sad. and feel depressed. hopeless, moody, unhappy, sulky.
but now i know that human life isnt that strong afterall. Life is fragile....
u wont know what will happen the nez minute.
u might be enjoying urself at this instance and nez ur life is done.
so live ur life like it's ur last day on earth.
treasure ur frens, ur loved ones. make sure u hv no regrets.
i know i sound kinda weird but i think im in some ways making some sense right.

to my pals who got so affected by it:
hope you'll get over it asap.
Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the precence of fear with the capacity to manage and overcome it.
jia you! know u all can do it. GOD BLESS.